Chapter 1
Before the Ashes
I spent my entire twenties chasing a high that was slowly killing me. Then God had other plans.
My name is Heather. If you are reading this, I want you to know that whatever you are carrying right now, and whatever rock bottom looks like for you, there is a way out. I know because I lived it.
My story does not start with a back alley, a bad crowd, or some mysterious drug from a shady dealer. It started with a wedding, a horse, and a prescription.
I was 22, freshly married, and on top of the world. My husband Jake and I had just had what felt like a mystical, magical wedding in Vegas. We were newlyweds, still deep in the honeymoon phase, when a car accident shattered the life we thought we were building. Jake was prescribed pain pills for chronic pain and serious back injuries. Months later, I was bucked off a horse and prescribed the same type of opiate medication for my own back injury, just at a lower dose.
That is how it started. Two people in love. Two legitimate prescriptions. Absolutely no idea what was coming.
I remember the first time I took a pain pill and actually felt it. If you have ever struggled with feeling like you do not belong anywhere, like there is a quiet ache inside you that nothing touches, you may understand what I mean. For the first time in my life, I felt whole. Confident. Like I fit. Like the noise inside my head finally went quiet.
It was a lie. A beautiful, devastating lie.
What I did not know then was that I had been searching for that feeling most of my life. I had tried other substances in high school and college, but nothing ever felt like “it.” Then came the opiates, and I thought I had found what I was looking for. Except “it” was a trap with no visible door.